Part 2I Brought Receipts To Her Wedding

Throughout the three years of high school, Madison only got prettier. She hit five-foot-five, her skin cleared up perfectly, and she knew exactly how to style her clothes. When she walked down the hallways, heads turned.

I stayed exactly the same.

Not ugly, just perfectly invisible.

On the first day of freshman year, Madison dragged me over to meet her new clique.

"This is Tara, my childhood bestie. We grew up together."

And then, the inevitable footnote: "She’s not much of a talker, so don't mind her."

The new girls offered me tight, polite smiles. Their eyes lingered on me for less than a second before snapping right back to Madison.

I stood beside her, a piece of background scenery.

High school was when Madison really started utilizing me.

Saving her seats in the cafeteria. Running to grab her lunch. Letting her copy my AP history notes. Picking up her packages from the front office.

"Tara, can you grab me a salad from the line? I have to finish this math worksheet."

"Tara, my mom dropped off my gym clothes at the main entrance, can you run and get them?"

"Tara, let me just snap a picture of your bio lab. Your handwriting is so much easier to read anyway."

I did it all.

Because she was my "best friend."

And aren't best friends supposed to be there for each other?

But eventually, a quiet realization began to dawn on me.

The phrase "each other" didn't actually exist in the dictionary of me and Madison.

When she needed a favor, I jumped.

When I needed a favor, she always had an excuse.

"Oh, Tara, my stomach is killing me today. Can you just go by yourself?"

"Shoot, I already promised someone else I'd hang out. Next time, I swear!"

"That's kind of out of my way, Tara. Can't you ask someone in your homeroom?"

Next time.

It was always next time.

During our sophomore year, a boy finally asked me out.

His name was Kyle. He was in my English class. He wasn't exactly the star quarterback, but he was sweet, clean-cut, and had a gentle way of speaking.

He slipped a folded note into my locker.

I had zero experience with boys. Panic set in immediately, and my first instinct was to run straight to Madison.

She read the note, her perfectly arched eyebrows drawing together.

"Kyle? That guy?"

"What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, I guess. I just heard he... used to be obsessed with this other girl."

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter. Just, you know, guard your heart."

She handed the note back, her tone breezy and dismissive.

"I mean, if you really like him, give it a shot. I just think you deserve better, you know?"

You deserve better.

It sounded so fiercely protective. So warm.

I turned Kyle down.

A month later, I was walking past the diner near the edge of campus and saw Madison sitting in a booth, sharing a plate of fries with him.

She spotted me through the glass and waved enthusiastically. "Tara! Come sit! Kyle's paying!"

I stood frozen on the sidewalk. I couldn't breathe.

That night in my bedroom, I texted her. You and Kyle...?

Her reply came instantly.

Oh, he asked me out. Why do you care? You rejected him, remember? It's not like I stole him from you. You're the one who didn't want him.

I stared at the glowing screen, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. I couldn't type a single word.

Because technically, she was right.

I had rejected him.

But who put the idea in my head in the first place?

By senior year, it was time to apply for colleges.

My GPA was high enough to get into the flagship State University. It wasn't an Ivy, but it was prestigious, three hours away, and a ticket out of our hometown. I wanted to go. I wanted to see a world outside of our zip code.

Madison's grades barely qualified her for the local, unranked City College.

When she heard I was planning to go to State, all the color drained from her face.

"Tara, you're really going to move three hours away?"

"It's not that far. The bus ride is nothing."

"But we'll never see each other."

"I can come home on weekends."

She fell silent for a long moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was thick with manufactured worry.

"If you go to State, who is going to look out for you? With your personality, people are going to take advantage of you, and you won't even realize it."

"I'm not a child, Madison."

"No, but you're not meant to be alone. Think about it, Tara. What is one major thing you've ever handled completely by yourself?"

I froze.

She pressed her advantage. "I'm not saying you're not smart. I'm just saying you're... soft. You don't know how to say no. You're going to get eaten alive in a massive dorm where you don't know a single soul. When things go wrong, who are you going to call?"

"I can still call you."

"That's not the same as having me there. Just stay here. We can stay in the city, I'll keep an eye on you. It'll be just like it's always been."

That night, I sat alone on the bleachers of the high school track field for hours in the dark.

I asked myself the questions she had planted in my brain.

Am I really incapable?

Am I really meant to be a follower?

Can I really not survive without Madison?

After two hours of sitting in the cold, I arrived at a devastating conclusion.

Maybe she was right.

I withdrew my application to State and enrolled at the local City College.

It was the second time in my life I gave up a better future for Madison.

When I told my mom over dinner, she paused with her fork halfway to her mouth. "I thought you wanted to go away."

"I changed my mind."

"...Alright then."

The sigh my mother let out sounded exactly like the one she made when I was fourteen.