Part 3The Mother I Knew

At eleven o'clock that night, Mom opened my bedroom door. "So? Do you know you were wrong?" My mind was foggy, and my eyes, still blurred, nodded. "Alright, then bring out all your homework for me to see." I neatly placed all my homework before her. She checked my math homework and seemed quite pleased. "Hmm, good. You followed my instructions." She then picked up my Chinese homework, reading my essay word by word. Then she tapped on the desk with clear dissatisfaction.

"What do you mean, 'Behind red doors, wine and meat go to waste'? How can you use that idiom this way? What's a 'red door'? A red door is a big red gate, meaning the family is very rich." She explained with authority. "How rich? So rich that they have more meat than they can eat, and so much wine it spoils because they can't drink it all. This phrase encourages us to study hard, to be ambitious, to become rich people. Once we're rich, we can also build big houses, with big yards, and have a big red gate. That way, we can also 'have wine and meat go to waste behind red doors.'" She paused, staring at me. "Do you understand? What is this nonsense you wrote about 'wealth disparity'?" Her voice rose. "What is your brain doing all day? So unrealistic, off track. I'm telling you, when you study, study proper history, don't listen to all those wild, unofficial tales every day." She glared. "You're learning a bunch of unpresentable garbage and making a fool of me! Change this section immediately!"

I stared at Mom, astonished. The seed of doubt in my heart quickly sprouted new shoots. Had she really gone to school? Why did she give me the impression of pretending to know things she didn't? But I knew her. I couldn't defy her edict. So I quickly revised the essay according to her instructions. She nodded. "Good. This way you can maintain your top rank in class." She sighed dramatically. "Ah, without me, you really are nothing." She clicked her tongue. "I really want to send you for an IQ test. If your IQ isn't over a hundred, I don't think you should even go to school." She shook her head. "A waste of family money! Ugh…"

She grumbled to me for a long time. She talked about how so-and-so's child got into an elite university and received tens of thousands of dollars in scholarships. Tens of thousands of dollars! That child immediately bought her mother a gold necklace! Getting into a prestigious university felt like a ticket to heaven. "Counting on you is impossible! You, you can probably get into a nursing school, become a little nurse, and that's it." She clicked her tongue again. "Tsk, even a little nurse might be hard for you, with that brain of yours." She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "I think I'll just secretly have another baby." She eyed me askance, as if trying to scare me. But she didn't know I truly hoped she'd have another baby. Because that way, I'd have a way out.