Part 2Sunshine After The Rain

That night, I lay in bed, staring at the blue light of my phone screen.

I scrolled through the endless log of our chat history from the last three months. Chase had been incredibly clingy, constantly blowing up my phone with sweet, trivial updates throughout his day.

Good morning, baby. I grabbed some breakfast for you. Get up, get up!

Class is so boring today. I need a kiss to get through this.

I miss you. Why aren't you replying to me?

Your boyfriend's daily subscription has expired. Please pay ninety-nine kisses to renew. Select electronic transfer or manual delivery.

Every single word, once a source of secret joy, now felt like a jagged piece of glass twisting in my chest.

My thumb hovered over his profile picture, eventually tapping it open to reveal a photo he had sent me during his summer trip to Paris. He was standing beneath the Eiffel Tower, looking effortlessly handsome, his dark hair slightly windswept, a bright, confident smile on his lips.

Next time, I'm going to kiss you right under the Eiffel Tower.

My tears wet my pillow, drying only to be replaced by fresh ones.

I kept my finger pressed against the delete button. I knew that letting him go was the only way to heal, and that I had already been humiliated enough. But my heart was a stubborn, foolish thing. It still fluttered at the sight of his face.

Ultimately, I couldn't bring myself to delete him.

The next day, I sat through my lectures like a hollow shell, my mind completely blank.

On my way back to the dorm, I saw Chase standing near the entrance of my building. I immediately lowered my head, trying to slip past him, but he stepped directly into my path.

"Excuse me," I whispered, my fingers tightening around the edge of my textbook.

"Hazel."

His voice was just as beautiful as I remembered, but the warmth was gone, replaced by a polite, clinical distance. It was hard to believe this was the same boy who had gently cooed me to sleep just two nights ago.

"Do you need something?" I kept my eyes fixed on his shoes, terrified he would see how swollen my eyelids still were.

"Can you send me Manon's contact card?"

I froze, my breath catching in my throat.

"Nate won't give it to me, and Manon has blocked my number," he continued, completely oblivious to the pain radiating off me. "Since you're her best friend, I figured you'd have a way to reach her."

He was so incredibly cruel. He was standing right in front of me, asking me to help him pursue my best friend, as if the last three months had been absolutely nothing to him.

I shook my head slowly. "No. If she wanted you to have her contact info, she would have given it to you herself."

"I have to go." I made a move to step around him.

"Are you keeping it from me out of petty jealousy?" Chase asked, his voice sharp.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Chase took a step closer, looking down at me with a hard, defensive expression. "Hazel, you're only refusing to give me her number because you don't want me to chase her, aren't you?"

"Come on. We only talked for three months. It's not like we had some deep, life-altering romance. And I only put effort into those chats because I believed I was talking to Manon."

"In this entire mess, I'm the one who got screwed over. Why didn't you just ask for my number yourself instead of sending your gorgeous friend to do it? You were too cowardly, too afraid of rejection to stand in front of me."

"Now the girl I actually wanted is dating my best friend, and I'm left with nothing. How are you going to make this up to me?"

His words felt like physical blows, bruising my chest. In his eyes, I wasn't the sweet girl he had fallen for online; I was a manipulative, deceitful coward who had tricked him.

My fingernails bit deep into my palms. I forced my spine to go perfectly straight.

I kept my head down, keeping my voice as level as possible. "I'm sorry, Chase."

"I can't make it up to you. If I could go back to that day, I would never have let anyone ask for your number on my behalf. It's my fault there was a misunderstanding, and you can think whatever you want of me."

"But Manon is my best friend. If she doesn't want to talk to you, I will never make that choice for her. You can pursue her, you can get her number from anyone else on this campus, but it will never be from me."

"I don't betray my friends."

As the last word slipped out, a heavy tear slipped from my eye, splashing onto the pavement between us. I quickly wiped my cheek and lifted my chin, forcing myself to meet his eyes.

Seeing my raw, tear-streaked face, Chase froze, a sudden flicker of panic crossing his features.

"If we're done here, I'm leaving," I said, my voice trembling slightly.

Chase ran a hand through his hair, looking suddenly frustrated and deeply annoyed with himself. "Fuck... I didn't mean... look, I wasn't trying to..."

He trailed off, letting out a sharp breath. "Whatever. Just go."

I turned and walked away, keeping my back perfectly straight even though my vision was a blurry mess.

It was truly over. The end of a three-month mistake, and the death of a five-year secret.

I never got to tell him the truth. I never got to say: Chase, I've loved you for five years.