Part 2The Parenting Trope

He stared at me for a second.

Then he let out a wail that could shatter glass. "I don't want you! I don't want you!"

I dropped the laundry hanger I'd been holding and scooped him up. "Okay, okay! Mommy wants you! Mommy wants you! Mommy is going to *force* her love on her little munchkin!"

Just then, his father's Tesla pulled into the driveway.

My son immediately slid to the floor and ran to my husband, Julian, hugging his leg. "Daddy, I don't want Mommy! Take me to Auntie Claire! I want her to be my mom!"

Auntie Claire. His father's one that got away. His "white whale."

According to the original story's plot, this is the woman who drives me to leave them both. I'm supposed to adopt another little boy as a "control group" to prove a point. My biological son, Leo, is supposed to grow into a useless delinquent who ends up in prison for a DUI. Julian, devastated that I won't come back, becomes an alcoholic, his company goes bankrupt, and he kills himself after our son is jailed.

Meanwhile, my adopted son gets into Harvard. And I become a famous webcomic artist. A true "girlboss" icon that readers love.

Having just become self-aware of this plot, I was just like: ...

Right now, though, I just crossed my arms and glared at Julian.

"You took him out and just handed him your phone to shut him up, didn't you?"

This kid was a lost cause. All he ever wanted to do was play on a stupid phone. He'd get flamed in the game chat, with people calling him a "stupid little kid," and he'd just type back proudly, "I'M NOT A LITTLE KID, I'M IN KINDERGARTEN!"