Part 1732 Letters, None for Me

My best friend and James Sterling had been sworn enemies for twenty years, constantly bickering whenever they met. He was a special forces captain; she was the accompanying medic. The only thing they agreed on was to obey my every word. Everyone would laugh, calling them my ‘left and right-hand protectors.’

Until five months into my pregnancy, when I was tidying up James’s old belongings in our military housing, I found a heavy iron box. Opening it, I discovered all the letters he’d written before dangerous missions – his last wills. I picked up the topmost one, the ink still fresh, my fingertips trembling with tenderness. But the moment I unfolded the letter, I felt a chilling dread. The opening address wasn’t me.

To my dearest Kate,

My breath caught. My gaze frantically dropped, fixing on the last paragraph: If I fall, all my assets go to you. As for Norma, please take care of her. If she asks… tell her I never loved her. Don’t let her hate you; I’ll carry all the guilt alone.

My hands shaking, I frantically opened every single letter. Seven hundred and thirty-two of them. Every single one began with “Kate” and ended with “Kate.” And Kate was none other than my best friend.

* * *

I knelt amidst the scattered letters. My fingertips trembled so much I couldn’t hold a thin piece of paper. Tears streamed uncontrollably, blurring the words on the pages.

Kate, eat an extra bowl of the rice balls with fermented rice wine from that place on the west side of town for me tonight, the one you love.

Kate, I’m sorry to make you sad again.

Kate, after I’m gone, please scatter my ashes beneath that old locust tree, so I can always watch over you.

The old locust tree. Our old locust tree.

When I was eight, the devastating news of my parents’ sacrifice arrived. I curled up in the corner of the mourning hall, crying until no sound came out. James and Kate, one on each side, stubbornly held my hands, leading me away from the somber room. We ran to the old locust tree in the backyard, which had stood for countless years.

Kate’s face was still tear-streaked, but she raised three fingers, pointing at the tree trunk, her voice choked yet incredibly clear: “Grandpa Locust, I swear to you, from now on, I will protect Norma for her mom and dad, for my entire life! No one is allowed to hurt her!”

James immediately mimicked her, raising his fingers, his small face stern and determined. His voice was even louder than hers: “And me! I’ll protect Norma for my entire life too! Even longer than you!”

Later, they did. My world, because of their presence, was safe and bright.

The child in my womb seemed to sense my intense emotional turmoil, kicking restlessly. I instinctively clutched my belly, but my fingertips brushed against the letters scattered on the floor. My vision blurred again. I futilely tried to stuff the letters back into the box. But my hands wouldn't obey, just fumbling wildly. Every letter felt like a scorching coal, burning, making my insides seize up.

I don’t know how long passed, but I finally collapsed against the wall, drenched in cold sweat. From outside the door, I heard approaching footsteps and familiar bickering. Kate’s voice was crisp, tinged with her usual disdain for James: “James Sterling, slow down! So clumsy, you’ve spilled the fermented rice wine soup! Buying two portions isn’t enough, you had to clear out their whole pot, showing off how much you can eat, huh?”

James’s voice was deep, equally tinged with his usual impatience: “What do you know? Norma’s pregnant now, her appetite is unpredictable. What’s wrong with buying more? What if she wanted to eat it?”

The door opened. Kate peeked in first, saw me on the floor, and rushed over, helping me up. “Why are you sitting on the floor? Pregnant women shouldn’t get cold, hurry and get up!” James quickly put down the rice balls he was holding and ran over, checking my forehead with one hand and supporting me with the other. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell?”

I let them both help me up. Kate was the first to notice my swollen, red eyes, asking anxiously, “Why are your eyes so red? Did James bully you?! Tell me, I’ll punch him for you!” James looked at her exasperatedly, “Kate, don’t talk nonsense. I adore my wife; how could I possibly bully her!” He then turned back to me, gently cupping my face, his eyes full of concern. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” “Who hurt you?” “Or is your stomach upset? I’ll take you to the hospital right away.”