Part 3I'm Done Being My Dead Sister's Ghost

To celebrate Jenna's "new beginning", my parents decided to hold a grand college send-off party for "her".

And I had to attend as her stand-in.

Mom took it very seriously. She even specially found me clothes in the styles Jenna used to love wearing.

The styles from 20 years ago were long outdated. Just like before, Mom had collected them from thrift stores and from relatives and friends.

Some had stretched-out collars, while others had sleeves coming apart at the seams. All of them carried a lingering musty smell that refused to go away.

When I was a child, I was forced to wear them to school. Naturally, all my classmates mocked me behind my back.

But now, I calmly put them on.

As soon as she saw me wearing those clothes, Mom's eyes suddenly turned red-rimmed. I knew she was seeing Jenna through me again. That loving gaze had never truly been directed at me.

"Don't smile too much at the party, but make sure you're polite and sweet.

"Jenna was closest to Uncle Rupert and Aunt Bella when she was alive. Make sure you spend more time conversing with them."

Mom went over every single detail one by one, as if she was afraid I would make a mistake. Because if I failed to resemble Jenna, they'd all be forced to wake up from their fantasy.

What Mom didn't know was that, after 18 years of imitating Jenna, her habits and mannerisms had already become a part of me. I had long understood what kind of person Jenna truly was, even better than Mom did.

…

On the day of the party, every relative and friend who arrived had the same reaction when they saw me.

"Jennifer really looks so much like Jenna…"

"20 years really do pass by quickly. Back then, Jenna was wearing clothes just like that, greeting me and showing me in."

"Exactly. Just like Jenna, she's quick-witted and a sweet-talker. She's already given one toast after another."

Everyone was remembering Jenna through me. Since I was a child, it had always been like this whenever we met.

"Jennifer likes red too? She even wore her hair in the same braids as Jenna's."

"Jennifer also has the same personality as Jenna. She can't sit still, like she has ants in her pants. She's always eager to run outside and play."

In the beginning, I would silently disagree with them.

"No, I'm nothing like Jenna. I don't like red. I don't like keeping my hair long either. I only want to stay home, quietly reading and drawing. I don't want to go outside and play."

As the years went on, I began to grow confused after imitating Jenna for such a long time.

What color was I supposed to like? What kind of dishes did I like?

If Jenna had never existed, if I had been my parents' first child from the very beginning… What would my name have been?

Suddenly, a young man's voice called out to me from behind. "JJ!"

I turned around, shocked.

It was my cousin and my aunt Bella Hudson's son, Zachary Shaffer. He was three years older than me and the only person here who had never known Jenna. He was also the only one who never called me "Jennifer".

He always insisted on calling me "JJ".

Ever since he left for a distant college three years ago, we hadn't seen each other.

"Long time no see, JJ," Zachary greeted me. He reached out and gently ruffled my hair, just like he used to when we were kids.

Then he handed me a gift box. "This is a graduation gift for you."

I took it from him in a daze and opened it. Inside was a full set of expensive art supplies.

Zachary scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I remember you loved drawing when we were kids. I wasn't sure if you had any use for these."

He also pulled out another gift bag for me. "My mom picked these out for you. You're going off to college, so she picked out two outfits suitable for a young lady your age. She hopes you'll like them."

I looked inside the bag, which contained a pale blue dress and a white short-sleeved shirt. It wasn't anything extravagant, but my eyes immediately started to well up with tears.

The smile on my face was still the one that belonged to Jenna.

What would "Jennifer" say right now? What would she do? I couldn't remember at all.

It turned out I didn't need to wait until the day before college started to drown myself—the real Jennifer had died long before Jenna had.

The person I was now was nothing more than a lousy imitation of Jenna.